i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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