He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
