Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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