Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
