pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
