Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
