what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
