it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
