He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
