Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
