worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
