I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
