also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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