Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
