Your tits are I can't wait for
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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