You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
