so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
