just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
