Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
