I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Randomize
