Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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