I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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