I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
