This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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