She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
