I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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