can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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