guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
