i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
