If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Of course I have a pirate flag
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
