Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
