but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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