Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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