Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
