I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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