You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
