I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
