Sry I called you an 8
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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