my shit smells like andre
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
