i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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