why didn't you poke me back
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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