If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
