I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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