Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
