BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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