i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
bring money and cleavage
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
