In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You don't make any sense
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