home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
