We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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