Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
