dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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